Lessons For A Long & Happy Marriage

This is an exciting post because this was written by my MIL (mother-in-law). If you have read other posts by me, then you probably know I really look up to her.

When it comes to the area of marriage and parenting, I always ask my MIL for advice. She is such a godly woman that I hope one day I can be like her.

She is a great example of a Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 woman.

I’ve been wanting to add a marriage segment to my blog because it’s an area I am also passionate about. I asked my MIL if she could write something about marriage since she is such a godly wife!

She sent me a letter that she wrote to her own son and daughter-in-law. Lessons she learned and still learning about marriage. I hope this will be a blessing to you. Enjoy 🙂

This is part of a letter that I sent to my son and daughter-in-law shortly after they got married.  I edited it and hopefully improved it. This is advice that my husband and I are still learning after 30+ years of marriage.  

I am not a writer, but I hope that my love for God and my faith that His way is always best shines through.

The Letter

Marriage can be wonderful, but it can also be very hard at times. God wants to use your marriage to refine you both and to give the world a picture of His love.

As Christians we are taken as a cherished bride by her husband. We, the church, are wretched sinners, and our husband, Christ, is completely perfect.

Yet in His love He has purchased us to be His bride and to makes us holy. If Christ, who is perfect, does that for us, how much more we need to forgive, love, and cherish our earthly spouses since we are sinners too.

Same Team

Always remember that you are on the same team.

Fight for that.

Picture the two of you together wearing one big jersey.  You are participating in a three-legged race. Satan is out to trip you up, to make you come apart, but God has a path cleared if you will just keep your eyes on Him.

You need to hold on tightly to each other and work together. Either you win together, or you both lose.

Unfortunately, we have all seen too many marriages that had every potential to be good, but they didn’t fight to make it work. The couple got divorced and usually they both got married again, but something precious was always lost.

Divorce ends up hurting them, their families, and their testimony. They dishonored and disobeyed God. The scars never go away. And it didn’t have to happen if they had just obeyed God.

He had something better for them–together.

(Back to the team analogy…)

Everyone who knows you and loves you is your cheerleader–or should be. Don’t ever listen to anyone say anything negative about your spouse, and never complain about or say anything negative about him/her to anyone.

Go To God 1st

Go to God first and then to him/her to work out issues.  Follow Matthew 18. Get help if you need it, but the goal should always be to honor God and protect your marriage.

I once said to my husband that I would rather be with him and be miserable than be happy without him. That sounds terrible! But sometimes that is the choice we must make (hopefully only for a season!) if we desire to stay together.  

Do you think choosing to stay in an “unhappy” marriage is a foolish choice? That is what we hear everyday along with: “Follow your dreams; You deserve better; You could be so much happier…” But those words are not God’s way.

I also want to point out that we all desire a spouse who is unselfishly committed to us.  

Are you willing to be that spouse?

I realize that I am not always the perfect wife, and my husband could just as well have been the one to say that he would rather be miserable with me than happy without me.  

Would that be a slam?  Maybe, but wouldn’t that attitude also bring security? It is saying, “We’re together through thick and thin.”  Hard and difficult times are a big part of marriage, but as you hang on to each other through those times, your marriage will grow stronger, and happier times will (generally) come again.

Take Your Vows Seriously

We all need to take our marriage vows seriously. I guess that if marriage were always easy, we wouldn’t need to take a pledge to stay together!  

If you have a copy of your marriage vows, I would recommend that you get it out and read over it. Are you taking those vows seriously?

It’s the cement that will hold you together, give you confidence and peace, and make you strong. Taking the other person’s hand when times are dark and saying, “We’re in this together.”  

Marriage is never about seeking our individual happiness. True happiness will never be found outside of God’s will.

Besides, God doesn’t give us a spouse to make us happy (although he/she is a precious gift from Him!) He gives us a spouse to help us learn to be more like Him.

We all respect couples who are celebrating their 50 year (or longer) wedding anniversary.  They seem to have been made for each other; they seem so content, so in love, so happy; but we don’t know about all the hard times they have gone through, the struggles they have endured.

The only way to have a long marriage is to stay married. The only way to have a happy marriage is to be happy with the spouse that God has given you.  

“Love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

1 Peter 4:8

Start Today

Don’t wait for perfection; be content today. Choose joy.

Love, love, love.

Hug even when you’re hurt and want to walk away. If you need some time with God, let your spouse know why you’re retreating.

Kiss every morning and night and before one of you leaves and when one of you gets home.

Hold hands.

Live as one.

Make time together a priority.

Seek God 1st individually and also as a couple.

Say “I love you.” often.  Be mushy! Let the world see what married love should look like, and that it is good.  They have no idea.

Smile at one another.

Be thankful.

Be one.

Don’t ever let anyone come between you.

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Wow, great advice huh? I definitely have room to improve on in my marriage!

What is some marriage advice you received that you use in your own marriage?

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How To Become A Godly Woman
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